Domestic Violence and Divorce are hot button topics in relationships and marriage discussions among women, and often, many who face these issues keep silent for fear of being stigmatized. It is certainly not what most of us wish for, but sometimes they happen. Kate Henshaw (Actress and TV Show Judge) says in a recent interview, that when they do, a woman has to know that it's possible to "stand up, dust yourself and move on." Her thoughts...
As a woman, and also as a celebrity, what are your views on domestic violence?
My views are very strong. Anyone who knows me would know that I am in the forefront of anything concerning domestic violence. I am an ambassador for Project Alert. Domestic violence has been with us for long. It’s just that these days, there are more people who are not concerned with keeping quiet. Titi Arowolo is dead, there are so many other people who have died. People think that if you are working in a bank or if you’re some big woman, you can’t be a victim of domestic violence. That is a big lie. It occurs across all social levels.
I once read an interview where you mentioned you were a victim of domestic violence in a relationship.
(Laughs) I’m laughing now and I’m glad I can laugh. It’s good to be able to look back and laugh at your problems. Yes I was a victim of violence in a relationship and it wasn’t pleasant. So I can really understand where a lot of people are coming from. I didn’t have the strength to stand up and move on my own. I had to go on my knees and pray to God for help. Each time I tried to move on, there would be apologies, and I was afraid to step out and start a new relationship but I’m glad I’ve come through it and now I can help people in similar situations.
..Your divorce came as a shock to a lot of people.
Shock? Have you not seen Seal and Heidi have divorced? Haven’t you seen people who have been married for 20 to 25 years have divorced? I’m not perfect, no one is. We all have our low moments. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure. Everybody goes through bad patches in life. If you intend to stay down and make it your focus or rise out of it and continue is what matters. Because life must go on, whether we like it or not. It’s always better to part under good circumstances than for someone to be in jail, or to die, or to be hurling insults at each other. There is no need for that.
Part of the reasons why many people were shocked at your divorce is you always manage to have a cheerful look.
It’s God. Looking back at my life, where I came from, I never even thought I would be an actress, I never even thought I would have an opportunity to meet people, to be a role model… so it’s not for me to feel self pity. I’m grateful to God every single day. I choose to be happy, I am a happy person. Someone encouraged me with these words yesterday “every problem you have would resolve and dissolve”.
When you think back at your marriage, is there anything you wish you had done differently?
No, not at all. Some people have said maybe it’s because I was too busy, maybe because of my work. But I tell them, this is my work. I love my work passionately and I love my daughter and my family. Those were the most important things to me. But if one part doesn’t work, the rest must work.
Are your wounds healed now? Have you moved on?
I am happy, I’ve moved on. I’m working. Sometimes, when things happen to you, you wonder how people would see it. I asked myself, am I going to lose friends? Loose my social standing? Is my brand going to be tainted? Nothing has. You know how you just fall, and you stand up, dust yourself and move on. That is what happened. I’m very grateful to Promasidor, they were extremely supportive and of course, everyone else who was there for me.
Would you give love a chance again?
I will oh! Me, I’m a lover I’m not a fighter. I’m only going to be very picky. I don’t know about marriage but maybe love.
Good luck to her!
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